100 Ways to get Kicked out of the Akatsuki
by SilentlyDoomed
Summary: Mei is currently the Akatsuki's newest and most annoying member. Even surpassing Tobi. Based off of Sae Kashiwagi's 100 Ways to get Kicked out of the Akatsuki. Pure crack. Rated T for, well for HIdan among other things.
1. Throw sasoris puppets into the fireplace

**Okay so this is my newest project I'm gonna write a drabble or oneshot for each of Sae Kashiwagi's 100 ways to get kicked out of the Akatsuki. Mei is my character made by me as I needed someone to get kicked out of the Akatsuki and I wasn't about to use myself.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Akatsuki or anyone else Naruto related. I do own Mei though but not the hundred ways to get kicked out of the Akatsuki. Those belong to Sae Kashiwagi I'm just using them as…..inspiration, plot, nyeh whatever they are….**

**100 Ways to get Kicked out of the Akatsuki**

1. 1. Throw Sasori's puppets in the fireplace and claim that you couldn't find any firewood.

"Why does that bit of firewood look like a face?" Asked Diedara while eating waffles.

"Diedara, don't chew with your mouth open!" scolded Mei, the Akatsuki's newest and currently most annoying member. "Anyways it looks like a hand because it is a hand." she explained while disassembling a large and rather deadly puppet. Much to Sasori's horror and Diedara's amusement.

"What do you think your doing?" shouted Sasori, sounding very ooc while try very hard to grab his puppet out of the reach of his fellow members hands.

Mei dodged Sasori's vicious swipes at her while throwing bits of polished wood into the fire.

"What do _you _think _your _doing? I'm just putting wood into the fireplace as I've been doing all night while you've all been asleep or off doing random terrorist stuff!"

Sasori froze and everyone looked at him. When he finally seemed to recover from the shock he asked weakly "All night?"

Mei only looked exasperated.

"Of course all night how else do you think this place stays warm?

Diedara deciding to help out his fellow, sane member asked "Mei what did you use for firewood all night, un?"

Mei grinned in a proud way.

"Well I couldn't find any firewood so I looked around and in Sasori's room I found a bunch of puppets. They looked fairly unused, ya know all shiny and stuff like nobody had ever touched them so I decided that they would do." Upon hearing this Sasori rushed to his room and remaining puppets. Diedara simply said

"You know those puppets were probably priceless un?"

"Ya don't say. Well I guess you;ll just have to get some firewood for next time then." she stated in an offhand manner.

**So how was it? Good, bad, simply awful or amazing.? Either way I think you should review and tell me what you thought so please do review.**


	2. Ask Diedara when the baby's due

**i finally got chapter two done. i got sorta stuck on this one but i didnt wanna skip it so it just took a while to type up and think out and stuff but yeah whatever so here it is.**

**Disclamer:i dont own anything not even diedara's non-existent kid.**

**2. Ask Diedara when the baby's due.**

At last her first mission! And yes though they may all be homicidal terrorists they still have missions. Though it was a fairly easy one and the only reason she was allowed to go was because Tobi was sick and it was against the "Akatsuki's Book of Rules and Regulations" (Even after countless hours of searching Mei still hadn't found it unfortunately) to let Diedara go by himself.

The mission itself was quite simple really. The objective was to take out some man who had information on the Akatsuki, which is never a good thing.

Diedara was rather happy, though Mei was really annoying at least she didn't constantly ask him questions or run off telling everyone he met that he was a good boy. Really for a terrorist Diedara thought Tobi was quite a failure.

Mei too was very happy, or perhaps it was excitement. This was the first time she would see another member in action. Sure she had seen people killed and explsions before but this was an Akatsuki member she was talking about. One of the worlds best most awesome s-ranked criminals. She wouldn't miss this for anything in the world!

Which is why rite now she is watching one of Diedara's exploding clones…well explode.

Her green eyes stay fixed decidedly on the clone as its body swells until it looks quite frankly like a pregnant woman. It even has the long blond hair and everything! Mei decides to make a mental note to ask him about it later.

But for now she needs to focus on not getting blown up…..

"Hey Diedara, so I was thinking earlier while I watched your clone explode and I was wondering….whens the baby due?" Mei asked quite casually while conspicuously trying to be inconspicuous at look at Diedara from the corner of her eye.

Diedara blanched .him? Baby?

Mei just sighs. Though Diedara was a great assasssin/kidnapper person or whatever the hell he was, he was pretty damn clueless about most things in life other than art really….he might have even believed her….dumbass.

It just so happens that Mei was right Diedara did believe her. Which is why Mei is snickering right now since Diedara burst into the Akatsuki's base just seconds ago and proudly announced that he was pregnant.

On the other hand, Itachi is just staring at the grinning Diedara wondering how the heck this happened, kisame is gaping and looking comical, hidan is swearing, Kakuzu is complaining about how a baby will be too expensive to take care of and how Diedara needs to get an abortion _now_, Sasori is….well hes dead but if he were alive he would be annoyed because babies take up time and make people late, Pein is well just sort of confused, Konan is just relieved it isn't her, zetsu….well hes a plant so he doesn't understand these sort of things and tobi(who has now recovered from being sick) keeps telling Diedara that he thought he's a bad boy.

Diedara is feeling disappointed because nobody else is rejoicing. Babies are like works of art so why arent they happy? Most of them are just kinda spacing out-ish, hidans swearing, tobis talking about something stupid no doubt, and Mei is just laughing at him.

Mei.

So Diedara turns to Mei and asks whats so funny.

"You actually believed me. I was lying" she says in between big gasps of air before laughing at him again.

Diedara is outraged! How dare she lie to him!

Two days later Kakuzu isn't relieved that Diedara being pregnant was a lie in fact he's even more livid than before.

Diedara blew up the base which knocked out the whole northern wing and bits of the east and western corridors repairing this will take approximately 324,067,892 more dollars to fix than Diedara having a kid would have ever cost.

**Please review i think this ones longer.**


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